Meant To Be His Mum

Some days I cry because of the overwhelm of it all. But I’ve gotten pretty good at just taking a deep breath and getting on with it.

With the melt downs and the challenging outings, while looking around and wondering how others find it so easy.

With not knowing what a play date will turn into or whether we’ll be invited back.

Re thinking birthday party invites, going anyway but with ear muffs just incase.

With the whole not quite understanding where we are at, but loving him completely regardless.

I will never ever give up.

I will never falter in my love.

I will never want to be anywhere but here with him.

To the friends who embrace him and see past the struggles straight to his beautiful nature, I love you so much for that.

To the teachers who stand by him, I can see it’s more than just a job for you, and that you truly want to help, thank you.

To my family who have been willing to unlearn so they can understand his needs, thank you. Unlearning isn’t easy, but when we know better we do better.

To the strangers who give me a knowing smile of reassurance even if they don’t really get it, it just takes a bit of weight off, sometimes only a bit is all I need, thank you.

To my husband who has the patience of a saint, who has done research with me, come to the appointments, loves him that little bit more for all his quirks, I love you more for that too.

It takes a loving and understanding community when it comes to children who have a diverse way of thinking.

Because support for the mother and father is supporting their child too.

And to the mama’s right now still learning, I’m learning with you, I’m taking a deep breath with you, I’m letting out a sigh at the end of the day with you too.

Some days we float and others we sink.

I’m so grateful he is who he is, I adore his mind. I just want to be exactly who he needs.

But I often think that he picked me to be his mum, and so I must be.

Even if I don’t know it yet.