"Does It Get Easier"?

I don’t know if it gets easier.

I know we say that to the new Mums, who are tired, leaking milk and mourning forgotten pieces of themselves.

We say it to give them hope.

But I’m well out of the newborn stage, and some days I still find it incredibly hard, harder infact.

I still cry, I still feel overwhelm, I still feel ridden with guilt as I wish in those small moments that I could “check out”, even for a little bit.

Then I come to understand that these “small” moments, are preparing us both for the big ones.

I will realise later they’re all big moments, all of them.

The tears over falling down and scraping a knee become tears over falling for someone and then the heart break that follows.

Hoping he sleeps through the night, turns into dragging him out of bed in the morning.

Play dates with Mum friends turns into lying awake at 2am hoping that he returns home safely.

Smiling at his nursery with a hand on your belly, turns into an empty room as boxes are shifted one by one.

The heart ache that comes with knowing the days of kissing the pain away are long gone.

And maybe not all of these things will happen.

Maybe the hardest part is not knowing what will happen.

I don’t know how it could get easier, as your heart walks alongside your body watching your children grow. Surrendering it to love and worry in equal parts.

But I know that mothers are enduring and those days we feel defeated, we’re unknowingly becoming stronger, as strong as someone can without armour.

Maybe that’s why they say it gets easier, as we soften into it, becoming more resilient.

I don’t know any of this for sure yet, because I’ve just begun my parenting journey.

But what I do know is, nothing worth it is ever easy.

But loving him without a beginning and without an end will be the easiest thing I can ever do.